When I was in high school, being accepted to a university was my final goal and everything for me. However, when I failed to be accepted to the university I wanted after repeating the college entrance exam, my self-esteem hit rock bottom. I didn¡¯t like anything in my life, but when I accepted myself and my situation, it was no longer a matter for me whether I went to a good university or not. I tried to accept what I had done and focused on the things that needed to get done. All students have a moment of denial and difficulty, but they have to accept it and concentrate on the present and future. Thus, I want to tell my story to the readers.
The reason why I studied from 8:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. in the same chair for three years of high school was mostly to get into a good university. At that time, my parents and teachers recommended the field of education, saying that the best job as a woman is an elementary school teacher. As I didn¡¯t know what I wanted to do, I just followed their expectations and studied hard to get into a College of Education. I believed that it could provide a comfortable and stable life and that I could live up to their expectations to go to an Education College and become a teacher. After three years of hard work, fortunately, I was able to receive a good enough grade to enter a College of Education, so I submitted my applications.
After I had received first-round acceptance letters from several colleges, I failed to be accepted to all six colleges. At that time, I felt a sense of frustration that my life had been ruined. Above all, I was so self-conscious and ashamed to see my teachers, friends, and relatives. The result of the failure seemed to drag me down to the bottom. My pride was too hurt to accept a lesser university, so I chose to take the exam again. I wanted to go to a better university and get rewarded for all the hard times I¡¯d had. Also, I may have wanted to show that I was a smart person to others. However, studying for 1 more year alone was not easy, and I ended up at CBNU experiencing one more failure after it was all over.
Having come to a university I never planned on attending, I didn¡¯t like my school, friends or college life. Above all, I didn¡¯t want to tell my friends and relatives that I was attending CBNU. Therefore, I kept hiding, and I denied being at my university. I wandered around without a sense of belonging to my school or friends. After much time, I felt like a person who was tied to the past and couldn¡¯t move forward. I couldn¡¯t accept my inadequacy or my mistakes, and I continued to shrink inside myself, overly conscious of what others might think. I may have been afraid to admit my failures and inadequacy. However, I later decided not to avoid them because I had achieved all of the results myself. It occurred to me that I had to be a better person than before to overcome my failure and not to remain in that situation.
I decided to work hard on what I had to do. I started to concentrate on classes and actively participated in school life. Then, my grades continued to rise to 4.5, and my school life became more interesting after interacting with more people. As I became interested in school more and more, I tried to participate in various activities. I took part in a Buddy Program to help foreign exchange students at the CBNU Office of International Services, and I made some foreign friends. Also, with more courage, I applied for international activities and was selected as a volunteer staff member of KT&G (Korea Tobacco and Ginseng Corporation). Also, I participated in various competitions held in school and won the best prize in a writing contest. Recently, I prepared for the TOEIC test and a computer test, and I received good results.
I tried to develop myself by challenging myself with various opportunities instead of just getting stuck in the past. Then, I began to feel so proud of myself and my situation. I was no longer ashamed of being at my university, and I became proud of myself because I focused on the present and ran hard toward the future. Now, the name of the university isn¡¯t important to me anymore, and I¡¯m not overly conscious of others¡¯ opinions of me. I have accepted my failures and mistakes, and I am trying to do my best to be a better person. During moments of denial, why not look back on your life for a while, accept the past and move forward?